ZZ’s Clam Bar-Greetings from Outer Space

I really don’t even know where to start with this restaurant; I guess I will start with the positive, the fact that the food was amazing. The food we were served at ZZ’s was without a doubt sophisticated, nuanced and pleasing to the palate. There, I said it. Now, I must confess that ZZ’s Clam Bar is a study in martian minutia, with everything odd and small, except for the prices.

Going to ZZ’s Clam Bar is a bit like taking the elevator the 13th and a half floor in “Being John Malkovich;” you enter this weird portal of an alternate universe overseen by a bartender that looked like he escaped from Madame Tussad’s. He was like a little “It’s a Small World” character who constantly moved on his invisible track and never changed expression. Anyway, back to entering this foreign land: Apparently reservations are a must, unless you are coming over with Carbone doggy bags, in which case you can walk right in and take up the counter seats solely for drinks, which I guess helps with giving the bartender more to do; or if you are a manager from Carbone, in which case you can come through the front door, use the bathroom and leave. For the rest of us, there is a bouncer in a suit outside- it’s beyond stupid- who checks your name before you can enter the ten seat space. We were seated at a narrow counter facing the wall, with my stool basically out the door; when we inquired about the beautiful empty table for two, we were told that the people who were meant to sit there were only 15 minutes late for their reservation, but ZZ’s allows everyone to be a half hour late, so we were shit out of luck. WHAT KIND OF BIZARRO WORLD IS THIS?! You can’t get in the door without a reservation but reservations and tables will be held for 30 minutes and if you arrive on time you are punished with a piece of shit table. FInally, someone allowed us to move. The space is dark, the music is loud, and everyone is close together; the bar and its still life of bar ingredients behind it take up such an inordinate amount of space, it boggles my noodle. There is a subtle blue glow to everything that only enhances the feeling out outer worldliness.

Before we were granted permission to move to the proper table, and after we were given the 15 item menu, we were told that they were out of everything from Japan “because of the Tsunami.” The missing items included langoustines, Scottish Salmon, and Japanese sardines. Um, okay- “Isn’t Scottish Salmon from Alaska?”…”No, ours comes from Japan.” ” Oh okay, since you are out of 20% of the menu, are there any specials? ” …”No.” Okay…And further adding to the difficulty of even ordering is the fact that although they have an inventive cocktail list, ZZ’s only has white wines by the glass, one of which is an Aligote…aliens. Sister got a spicy watermelon tequila drink that was unique and yummy, but so spicy that I don’t understand how one could drink this without it interrupting the delicate flavors of the food.

Moving on- seeing as we did not want to spend $98 or even $58 on a single a dish, our list of potential meal options was a little limited. We were able to come up with a solid plan of action, and I tried to get it out of my head that I was dining at the strangest place ever. The solitary server was nice, and not even vaguely self aware that this place is a little bit strange. She gave us valuable input on the menu items and their flavors and did not just push for the dishes that were outrageously priced. The couple next to us, obviously on a date and obviously hoping to bang it out later, had four platters of oysters for dinner. Four.

The food: Our first bite was a clam toast, a delicious little amuse bouche that tasted sort of like baked clams in space; the chopped clams were served on a thin garlicky wafter and the whole thing was an intriguing, flavorful bite. Next we got what we essentially came for: the uni toast. If you are an uni lover, this sweet, gooey, dish can not be missed; it is served on sliced pretzel bread and it is really to die for. Next, we had the crudo of cherry trout, trout roe and fried leeks, which had some great textures from the roe and the crunch. Feeling better, but still slightly on guard, we got the the kanpachi (this was from Hawaii, not Japan, like the Alaskan salmon), which was a chopped tartar, with an oyster sauce some broccoli and grilled sweet onions. Enjoyable, for sure, but about this time we started to panic that we might never fill up from this expensive meal. Next we had the seared golden eye snapper, with cherry sauce; I wasn’t feeling the presentation on this dish, and I had read in the GQ article that the best way to eat it is to spread the cherry sauce over the entire piece, so I did just that and enjoyed it, but not as much as everything else. Then we reached a crucial juncture: either we stopped with the savory dishes and ordered the key lime pie (which was one of two desserts, aliens), or got into another toast selection. At the suggestion of our server, we selected the trout roe toast, which was honestly one of the most exciting things I have tasted in a while-salty, crunchy roe with aromatic truffle oil, on slightly sweet bread that was firm enough to hold the whole mess; a heavenly delight.

I am curious to see what happens with this space, as it is such a radical departure from the comforting, familiar food and atmosphere at all of the other Torrisi places. It almost seems like they didn’t know what to do with this small space that they owned, and I can’t help but wonder if they should just turn it into Carbone To Go or something like that. As weird of a trip as it was, they make spectacular (out of this world) food on planet ZZ’s Clams, for astronomical prices, so just be prepared for your trip. ( And you can always walk by Artichoke on your way home if you run out of money before room in your tummy).

P.S.- There is no information on the website, and the only way to see the menu (it has changed a little bit) is through an Instagram pic that came up through Eater…